You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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