the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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