i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
