I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
