everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
