kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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