Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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