yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
