He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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