Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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