You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
