Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
