Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
