Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
