i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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