I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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