at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
