you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
