Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
