i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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