Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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