my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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