I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
