Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
