Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
