:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
