I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
