Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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