You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Vodka?
Forever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
