apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
