apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
