Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
