If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
