Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
