you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
can u get pink eye on your cock?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
