please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Houston, we have a squirter
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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