So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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