I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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