I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Boobs speak an international language.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
