Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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