1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
