Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
