oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
