don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
