I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
