I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
