im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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