I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
