I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
