Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
