It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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