Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
