I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
