Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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