Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
