Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
