he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
