I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
