we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
