We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
