I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize