If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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