well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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