Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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