so that wasnt chicken after all
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
