we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
