$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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