How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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