Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
