i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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