man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
