Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
