so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
