you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
