you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
