Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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